The below are descriptions of various types of dangerous men, as described in Sandra L. Brown’s book - How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved. While ABM agrees with many of the viewpoints of Sandra’s book, these are simply guidelines and suggestions to look out for when entering a new relationship with a potential pathological man. Feel free to reach out to us here with any questions/comments!! We’d love to hear from you!

1. The Permanent Clinger

Who is he? The permanent clinger is dangerous due to their excessive neediness. At first, these men appear to be sensitive and will connect with women over past traumas. The sensitivity eventually turns to an obsessiveness, coupled with jealousy and paranoia. The permanent clinger needs constant reassurance that they will never be left.

Who is he seeking? Typically the permanent clinger seeks women who have previously been in a toxic relationship with other dangerous men. They look for sensitive women who will easily let their guard down.

What can you do? Switch up the pace of the relationship if you feel they are becoming too clingy or too interested too quick. If they react poorly, this is a major sign that things are going to get worse.

2. The Parental Seeker

Who is he? The parental seeker is someone who has abandonment and separation issues from childhood traumas from an absent parent. They aim to fill this void with romantic relationships and often behave like adolescents, lacking self-esteem and needing constant reassurance, similar to permanent clingers.

Who is he seeking? The parental seeker attracts overly nurturing women, often women who were previously abused as children since they aim to provide what was never given to them.

What can you do? Find out about the parental seekers past relationships to uncover his level of functioning as an equal partner within the relationship. Relationships take work, and both parties should be contributing equally.

3. The Emotionally Unavailable Man

Who is he? This man’s emotions are connected elsewhere and his attention is on anything and everything except his relationship with you, this could include another relationship or marriage. This man is dangerous because he will keep you hanging on an emotional thread to fill a temporary need before he goes back to what truly interests him. These men can make themselves available sexually, which often gets misinterpreted by some as emotional availability.

Who is he seeking? The emotionally unavailable man can either look for independent women with their own interests and hobbies or women who don’t have anything else going on. Unhappily married women and women with low self-esteem are usually targets for this man.

What can you do? Keep in mind that people prioritize what means something to them. If you are important to a man, he will make time for you. Also know that men who cheat with you will more than likely cheat on you.

4. The Man with the Hidden Life

Who is he? A man who hides his life: his past, his present and his future is a dangerous man because you will never get to know who this man truly is. These men are driven by adrenaline and the chase rather than true emotional connection. He has a true ability to compartmentalize and will do everything to keep his different "lives” secret. The man with a hidden life will more than likely have other pathological disorders which they are trying to keep hidden.

Who is he seeking? Extremely trusting, polite, distracted women are the key targets for men who choose to keep their life hidden.

What can you do? Ask. Questions. A man who is hiding his life will run from an inquiring mind.

5. The Mentally Ill Man

Who is he? Men who do not seek professional help for their mental illness, or those who stop taking their medication, are included in this category of dangerous men. Some mental illnesses included in the definition are: antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, as well as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, PTSD or OCD.

Who is he seeking? Women who are naturally nurturing, sometimes with a similar parental relationship, are sought after by this man. This man looks for a woman who either ignores the chaos that comes with his illness or likes it.

What can you do? Ask questions to get to know him, find out if there is a family history of mental illness; if so, proceed with caution. Look for red flags.

6. The Addict

Who is he? Addiction can come in the substance (drugs & alcohol) and behavioral form (gambling & sex), but there is also a lesser known addiction which includes having an addiction to work or productivity. Bottom line, an addict is incapable of setting boundaries and this causes other elements of their life to become blurred as well. Certain mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder, PTSD, depression and borderline personality disorder are more likely to also struggle with addiction.

Who is he seeking? An empathetic woman also suffering with her own addiction or who grew up in a home where addiction was prevalent is an ideal target for an addict.

What can you do? Take a look at yourself and your own family history to try and identify any previous issues with addiction, covert or not. Being able to identify and define addiction is the first step to recognizing an addict.

7. The Abusive or Violent Man

Who is he? The violent man has issues with power and control. There will be no such thing as equality in your relationship with him. Abuse can take form verbally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, physically, sexually and systemically.

Who is he seeking? A woman with a history of abuse, either in childhood or past relationships is ideal for this dangerous man. He knows that she has the ability to forgive and forget and he preys on it.

What can you do? Do not excuse early on violent or abusive behavior. This is not and will not be an isolated incident and the behavior will only get worse. Listen to your gut and acknowledge red flags.

8. The Emotional Predator

Who is he? The emotional predator is extremely intuitive and is able to sense another person’s emotional vulnerabilities and chooses to exploit them for their own personal gain. These men are incredibly dangerous due to their ability to manipulate so easily. Most of these men have hidden lives coupled with a mental illness. The emotional predator can appear similar to the permanent clinger but instead of beginning the relationship as a friendship, he will pursue a romantic relationship from the start.

Who is he seeking? Women who are lonely, emotionally vulnerable or bored are targeted by this dangerous man. He can read body language and will tell you what you need to hear to make room in your life for himself. The emotional predator is a chameleon and will adapt to whatever void he finds in your life.

What can you do? Relationships with emotional predators seem to move pretty quickly. The man knows that he only has a certain amount of time to hook you and become the man of your dreams - the man you never knew you wanted, but he wants you to need him. The best protection against a man like this is not to disclose too much too soon. Flip the script on him!! Ask him open ended questions, and make sure the next time you speak his stories align.