Relationships, in general, are hard. They require a ton of hard work, effort and energy to be put in by both parties. When trauma is thrown into the mix, there’s just another layer that needs to be peeled back, digested, and worked through. The most important thing in any relationship is to truly understand yourself. Failing to heal from past wounds can lead to a cycle of abuse and/or accepting less than you deserve in relationships.

6 months after the end of a 4 year relationship with someone I met on Tinder, I realized that we were only ever together because I misrepresented myself so that he would choose me. For the first several months of our relationship I played him the way I needed to so that he would make the decision to be in a monogamous relationship with me….

When dating online, there is no handbook on this. It’s extremely difficult to give advice to someone without knowing the person’s past (& unfortunately you never do with someone you met online). There’s no rule that says you have to wait 3 dates, just like there’s nothing wrong with sleeping with someone the first night and just like there’s nothing wrong with waiting 3 months. My advice on the when, is simply do the damn thing whenever YOU are ready (of course, mutual consent is key). Once Pandora’s sexual box has been opened, it can be tricky to determine where the relationship is headed, so it’s generally a good idea to communicate any expectations prior to moving forward with a sexual relationship.

Malala Yousafzai once said, “When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful.” This statement resonates with me because it demonstrates the mountainous potential for change that lies within every one of us, to do either good or bad. The year of 2020 has exemplified this declaration, although regrettably this year has also seen domestic violence cases rise across the globe. Unfortunately, there are many women who have no choice at the moment but to remain silent because of their abusive relationship. Sadly, their abusers’ voice is the one that is heard, and heard quite powerfully. I would like to help women reclaim that powerful voice and send out the message that we will no longer be silent.

My husband and I matched on Tinder in December of 2015 and we got married in 2019. I was adamantly not looking for anything serious as I had just gotten out of an 8 year abusive relationship. He was different from the other guys on the app from the first night…

I'll pick up where the story previously left off after the craziness of the southwest road trip and how that experience impacted me and my life since then. It's important to talk about this time period of my life because looking back, I don't think I took the proper time to heal after experiencing the trauma of this situation. One of the most important things I've learned from the research with ABM is that healing is SO, SO (I really cannot stress this enough) instrumental when entering new relationships. I know now that I don't want a partner who defines himself by the shitty things that have happened in his life, why would someone want that from me? For the longest time, I thought that I WAS the experiences that happened to me, when in reality, those things were merely things I carry. I described them recently as a backpack that I wear, which yeah I do carry that with me at times, but I can take that shit off and I'm still a really bomb ass individual who is smart, empathetic, creative, caring, loyal, and confident. No one can take that away from me. If I had taken the time to realize this after my situation in 2015, I might have saved myself from a string of shitty situations - I'm getting to that!

The story of A Better Match begins back in 2015 when I first began my journey into online dating. I had a good job in pharmaceutical sales, my health was on the right track after finding acupuncture (this is a whole other story!) and I truly felt as if I was finally in a good place in my life.. I was ready to find my match!

I joined Match.com, and paid for a membership because I wasn’t into the swiping apps. At 25, I was ready for something more serious. My initial experience left much to be desired. I met men who lied about their age, lied about their jobs. I met men (boys, actually) who ghosted me after a few seemingly good dates. I even “met” men on there who didn’t even want to meet! After a couple months of failed interactions, I finally met this one man who I thought could really be something special. We talked for hours and hours, we had TONS in common, and he made time for me in his extremely busy life. Little did I know what I was getting myself into..