Sex vs. Intimacy

When dating online, there is no handbook on this topic. It’s extremely difficult to give advice to someone without knowing the person’s past (& unfortunately you never do with someone you met online). There’s no rule that says you have to wait 3 dates, just like there’s nothing wrong with sleeping with someone the first night and just like there’s nothing wrong with waiting 3 months. My advice on the when, is simply do the damn thing whenever YOU are ready (of course, mutual consent is key). Once Pandora’s sexual box has been opened, it can be tricky to determine where the relationship is headed, so it’s generally a good idea to communicate any expectations prior to moving forward with a sexual relationship.

It’s super important that you know and understand yourself and what your expectations are, especially in online relationships. Boundaries are something that will come up a lot. If you’ve ever experienced relationship abuse, you might understand (or maybe are on the journey to understanding) why it is so, so important to truly know yourself and to set your standards. Abusers don’t like boundaries (they hate being told no), so this is a good way of weaning toxic people out of your life.

It can be easy to confuse a physical connection with an emotional one, especially if you’ve previously experienced trauma. Before you enter a sexual relationship, be sure you truly are ready. Laying out expectations with potential partners is a difficult conversation but can eliminate confusion and hurt in the long run. True intimacy takes time & vulnerability to develop. Be sure you know the difference between sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy and understand which one you are actively seeking on these apps. It’ll help guide you towards a better match :)