Trust Your Gut
Disclaimer: Writing this post with somewhat of a discouraged attitude, but also with a sense of pride in myself. Feelings may be all over the place.. bear with me, I promise there’s a point! :)
The last few weeks have been a huge test for me - of my strength and resilience. This year I’ve had a few “situationships”, which you can define however you would like, but my definition is a situation that isn’t a relationship but feels like one. So many people have this expectation that they’ll have the benefits of a relationship without the commitment of a relationship. I view things very differently and don’t think a person is entitled to relationship benefits unless they are willing to commit (this is a whole other conversation of which came first, the chicken or the egg). Honestly, no judgements either way, but at the end of the day it’s YOUR dating life so you should find someone who aligns with what YOU are looking for. I’m naturally a loving and giving person - some might say a people pleaser and I care TONS about what my family, friends, love interest thinks/feels. This has gotten me into a bit of trouble sometimes and that’s what this post is mostly about. I’m tired of putting other people’s needs before my own. Not only does it drain me, but it never really works out in the long run, so what’s the point??? Advice: Regardless of how you feel about someone, don’t forget how you feel about yourself. Love yourself, pamper yourself, and most importantly TRUST yourself. If something doesn’t feel right for you, it probably isn’t. Just because an orange is a totally fine and some might say delicious fruit, doesn’t mean you need to eat that fruit if you’re more into apples (okay bad example, but you get it, right?).
The most recent situationship that just ended started out okay. He seemed to check all of my boxes, job, car, apartment. He was driven, responsible, wanted a family.. I could go on. But something just felt off. He was late to our first date (I never make exceptions for this, but for some reason did), he spoke poorly of his ex on the date and just overall had very nervous energy. I ignored some of my red flags and continued speaking to him because I was looking at the checklist and not paying attention to my gut. The more we hung out, the more my body screamed at me that something was wrong. My stomach would hurt, my head would hurt, I would be tired and not want to do things I typically loved doing. It was hard for me to commit to plans with my friends and my family. Fast forward a couple months and this man (boy)’s addiction crept up. His negative energy overtook the room every single time we hung out. He was stressed with work, and if it wasn’t work it was something else. Being a caring individual, I tried to be there as much as I could until it was realized that he was drinking every single day and his addiction was completely consuming his personality. He became increasingly agitated and once he got to the point of violence, I left.
As I mentioned, I’m writing this with many feelings. I’m disappointed in myself for not recognizing and acting on the red flags sooner, but I’m also really fucking proud of myself for not allowing this situation to get worse. For this, I thank my gut. I’d had a feeling all along, which prevented me from getting too close to this person and it worked. THAT is what I’m proud of. I could (and sometimes do) sit here and beat myself up over how I could have handled a situation better, but my body was protecting me. It was screaming at me that the situation was not safe and for that I’m grateful. Our bodies are incredible and they communicate with us more than we think. Instead of ignoring your stomach, listen to that. Maybe take a few moments or days to get your mind connected to your body so that you can understand what it’s telling you. If there’s any takeaway someone could get from this, it’s that you should know at the end of the day your body will always have your back. Be nice to her. <3
